Richard O'Brien in Disgracefully Yours

A transcript of Disgracefully Yours.
Original Words and Music by Richard O'Brien

THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS, SEND UPDATES TO SEAN AND MARCUS
Last Updated July 1st, 1999

Transcribed By:
Marcus Morales (Weirdwolf), weirdwolf@earthlink.net
Sean Whitmore(Galvatron), edmundgrp@earhlink.net and
with additional contributions from fred Olderr and Vanessa "Q" LaVesque from the ROB Crusade

Of course, there were a LOT of parts where we couldn't decipher what
the bloody witch's tit they were saying. That's where you Ritz fans out
there come in. If you have a bootleg tape. Pop in the tape and sit in
front of this very screen, and listen.

Any word that's in these ( ), We are not sure if they're right or not.
If you see this [.........], then we have NO idea what they said.
Read it, correct what you can, and mail back the corrections.
Enjoy

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now that Hell is a groovy and happening place, it is my feverant wish that
you should spread the good news to the four corners of the Earth. And lo,
it came to pass that Mephistopeles did send forth a band of black
angels to truly bloweth up [..........]

MUST BE MEPHISTOPHELES SMITH
------------------------------
Whooo's that Angel born in Hell?
That every-body knows so well?
Who makes you stammer
With their eternal glamour?
Who's got a name that's hard to spell?

Whooo affects the way you feel?
The patron saint of sex appeal!
Who makes you clamour
For the eternal slammer?
Who's got the legs to make you squeal?

Who owns the soul of a rock-and-roll riff?
Why, it's very-very possibly Mephistopheles Smith!

Who comes in the night and gets you dreaming, steaming, screaming, who
loves to scare you stiff?
Demon of the night, demon of delight, must be Mephistopheles Smith!

Who's every-body's fant-a-sy?
Who's every-body's man to see?
Who's that slick looker?
That philsophic hooker?
Who always gives a damn for free?

(Who gave us sport in paradise?)
Who was the author of our vice?
Who stopped us slinking,
And went and got us thinking?
Who's sort of naughty, sort of nice?

Who is the birth of an ac-tu-al myth?
Why, it's very-very possibly Mephistopheles Smith!

Who comes in the night and gets you dreaming, steaming, screaming, who
loves to scare you stiff?
Demon of the night, demon of delight, must be Mephistopheles Smith!
Demon of the night, demon of delight, must be Mephistopheles Smith!
Demon of the night, demon of delight, must be Mephistopheles Smith!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----

(Boy, I sure as Hell am?) Let's take a look at you guys. Wow. (Ghouls
rule?) Lemme give you some cool...and groovy...advice!

WELCOME TO ONE HELL OF A PARTY
--------------------------------
(Well when you're all dressed up?)
{Up, up!}
You better come on down.
{Down, down!}
Where the heat's turned up,
{Up, up!}
(Where the beat stays down?)
{Down, down!}

Oh yes, welcome to one Helll, of a paar-ty!
Welcome to one Helll, of a paar-ty!

S'gonna be alright!
{Right, right!}
There's always plenty left.
{Left, left!}
Cause the right is right,
{Right, right!}
When the right is left.
{Right, left!}

Welcome to one Helll, of a paar-ty!
Welcome to one Helll, of a paar-ty!

Here's what you're gonna do!

Don't wear a frown, there
A frown don't cut no ice!
{It don't cut no i-ice!}
{It don't cut no i-ice!}
Just come on down, yeah.
Ooh! The vice is nice!
{The vice is ni-ice!}
{The vice is ni-ice!}

You got it right, baby.
Oh, baby, you got it made!
{Got it right, babe!}

[]
[]

We're gonna be upfront.
{Front, front!}
And hold nothin' back.
{Back, back!}
But if you want a [....]
{Front, front!}
[..................]
{Back, back!}

Welcome to one Helll, of a paar-ty, yeah!
Welcome to one Helll, of a paar-ty!

So when your clothes turn up,
{Up, up!}
Another good man down.
{Down, down!}
I'm gonna pick you up!
{Up, up!}
You can come on down!
{Down, down!}

Welcome to one Helll, of a paar-ty!
Welcome to one Helll, of a paar-ty!
Welcome to one Helll, of a paar-ty!
Welcome to one Heeeeellllll, of a paaaaar-tyyy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----

Wooh! Wooh! Wooh! And even more...wooh! Dearly beloved...sweet angels...
brothers and sisters...intelligent, and attractive protoplasm...potential
customers...oh yes. I bring unto you a message of sweetest joy! Not
Swedish joy, that'd be a contradiction in terms. Sweetest joy! Yes, I've been
made flesh! And I'm here to give you a real hot tip...which I want you to
sit on for a while until the enormity of it finally sinks in. It's gonna be
that kind of an evening!

I bring unto you a new word...a blessed word, a word you've heard, a
word to voice "rejoice, rejoice". The word is...choice. Yes, I'm the
evangelist for a new and vastly-improved Hell. Nominated (second in the afterlife
facilities?) by Lucifer himself. No shit, (I'm a visual?)

My name...for those of you who can't read programs...is Smith.
Mephistopheles Smith. Smith because it affords me a little bit of street
credibilty in show biz (around the world?) And Mephistopheles because,
well...that's my name. Well then I'm sad to tell you that (it's called
often for detrious) parents looking for something a little different for
their offspring. Would've thought Cher or (Paul Hicks) might've seen the
possibilities, but no. So, Greek (Calatisitsts?) amongst you will know
that it's Greek, and that it freely translates as "The Shunner of Light!"
Yeah, sure, me and Zsa Zsa Gabor. That's what you'd call a misnomer of
(parallel?) proportions, isn't it? But misnomer or not I like my name.
And like sweet, sweet Sister Zsa Zsa, I've absolutely no intention of
stepping out of the spotlight. After all:

AINT THAT TO DIE FOR
------------
Why Should I even try
To leave the light and die
it's so warm in your embrace
I love it when I'm in your face
Ain't that to cry for
Ain't that to die for

When someone hits the spot
Then they are not forgot
Especially when someone
Shines brighter than the morning sun
Ain't that to cry for
Ain't that to die for

Some people they say that they don't want to come out
Some people they say that's what they're all about
Now the quick of us pick Icarus as a stinker of a pilot
But anyone that near the sun
Ain't no shrinking violet
Ain't that to die for

Ain't that to die for
Ain't that to cry for
Ain't that to die for

So let that love light blaze
Engage the gaze of praise
If you don't have a voice
Then baby you don't have no choice
Ain't that to cry for
Ain't that to die for
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wooh! Wooh! Potential customers...as we approach the Millenium...the
whole world continually erect us struggles to maintain an upright position.
Fear and disillusionment has given birth to more and more breakaway groups of
every increasing bullshit varieties. Caused also many others to leave
into the repressive and (retregressive?) embrace of holy laws written for
another time, another place, and people without your delicious
intelligence...and creative imaginations. Time to change. Now we, the
denizens of Hell, we've seen it coming for quite some time. And we
thought therefore it's time for us to reassess our whole role in the grand
scheme of things...and renew our own agenda. Yeah, that's right, you're
looking at an agenda-bender.

Hell is now operating in direct competition with Heaven. Oh yes, they've
still got a good place in the afterlife (facilities?) marketplace, still
doing okay. But they got (a little old?), they got it sloppy, and we
caught them with their pants down. That's not a pretty sight. Hell is now no
longer a...a repository, if you like, for Heaven's rejects. Well, in the
beginning it was fun...nervous people came our way, they did so against
their wishes and so therefore giving them a hard time was a great
pleasure!
And then along came Freud, and we started to get the kind of people who
thought they deserved to be punished! Where's the fucking fun in that?

So that is why we cleared the decks! {Got rid of all the rotten fish!}
We've emptied out the henhouse! {Got rid of all the hens!} All the
assholes... {Lowlives}...deadbeats...{Psychos}...sickos, and lickspittle
anorexics. By which I mean...devil worshippers. I blame H.P. Lovecraft
and LSD, myself. We made it so easy for them, didn't we? They're Hell's
trainspotters, aren't they, let's face it. All they had to do...all they
had to do was kill a (corpule?), mutter 28 pages of arcane writings,
write them in sensible Pagan design...uhhh...(throw some bones?), shag a
virgin, and then make sure they stood very still right in the middle of a
Pentagram. Why, a child of three could do that! Well a child of three on
acid, anyway.

Ah yes, we were compelled to put in an appearance, oh yes we were.
Sometimes it was great because you'd pop up and they go, "Oh, hey,
yeah, a demon, let's party," and you'd go, "Yeah, sure. Want some of this? Oh,
by the way, Cedric...you're out of the Pentagram...whoop, too late! Now
let's make this a really baaad fuckin' trip, shall weeee?" I used to get a
lot of fat Canadians, I don't know why. I had one that once said, "Oh, wow, a
demon! Fill me with your demon seed! I want to have your baby!" I said,
"But you're a man!" He said, "I don't care, I want to be the mother of
Damien!" Now can you believe that? This is the kind of people we're
dealing with! This guy...so now I'm gonna allow a fat, Canadian devil
worshipper to become the mother of my child? (I could've?) told him where to get off.
And then I said "No...I'll tell him later..." I had to admire the way he kept
his head, though. He attempted to turn around to me, and it was difficult,
becuase I'd jammed his head into the television set...and he said, "I'm
not really gay, you know," and I said, "That's okay...neither am I..."

So they're thick, sick, the hick, and anorexic, or lunatic...we don't want
them! In fact, we haven't got them. They were caaaast out...they're on
their own...and fuck 'em. They've all been released back into the
community. A little like yourselves. Yes, we saw that great, benevolent
idea for exactly what it was, going, "Yeah, we'll have some of that."
Thank you major governments everywhere...Of course, their re-entry into your
so-called 'living world' has probably had a compounding effect upon your
own social and moral decay...and if you're waiting for someone to say
sorry, forget it. No one apologized to us when they sent the scum of the
Earth to us in the first place, did they?

So...that's it! Right now we've got Hell the way we like it and we intend
to keep it that way. We got rid of the shits, but kept the wits. Got rid of
the lip, kept the hip. And now welcome to Club Inferno, PLC...Perfectly
Lo-Cated...the party place for people who want to party...forever. So
that's my mission, my gig if you like, is to give you the downside of goin' up,
and the upside, of goin' down...This is gonna be easy and fun, believe
me.

Now some of you may be saying
wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait,
just stop, just stop right there for a second, deliciously diabolical one.
Why should we believe a single word that you...a hellspawned demon has
to say...? For it is written, is it not, that "Satan is the Father of lies,
forever attempting to sweet-talk his way into the hearts and the minds of
the weak, and the easily-laid." Well I do have to say, that does sound a
little like him...you do have a point. Certainly sounds like the way he
used to be, anyway, but he's changed, we've all changed. He's a sweetie,
I don't mean to trivialize him, but he's a sweetie. Now some of you may
continue to be a little wary...you may consider our change in direction
to be little more than a sham, a cynical ploy...but you've made your minds
up about us and we're to be found guilty before we've even brought to
trial. Well I'm afraid, that sounds a little like prejuduice to me. Well you
shouldn't listen to your prejuduice...you should listen to your
heartbeat.

RHYTHM OF THE HEARTBEAT
------------------------------
You say you're o-pen min-ded...
{You don't be blin-ded...}
{For where you're headed}
{You stay cool hea-ded...}
But you see, there's cool...
{And then there's Cool}...
What fans the heeeeeeeat...I'm a fool. A cool [...]
Although, I'd rather have a heartbeat...
Well I'm a sucker for a heartbeat...
If ever I wanted to know
The word that occurred on the street,
Id Just listen to the heart beat
To the rhythm of the heart beat
If ever I wanted to go
And trick a victory out of defeat
I just listen to the heart beat
To the rhythm of the heart beat
Then if someone that you don't knoo-oow...
Should give you the big helloo-oo...
Oh you'll never get shaken, no you'll never get taken,
If you listen to the heartbeat to the rhythm of the heart-beat...
Sooo, whatever you wanted to doo-oo...
you'd do it better if you do it as you...
No, don't follow your nose where the sun never goes
Instead of listening to the heartbeat
The rhythm of the heartbeat
Ooh-ooh-ooooh!
Listen to my heartbeat...
Ooh-ooh-ooooh!
Take a lesson from my heartbeat...
Ooh- no-no-no!
there's no messing with my heartbeat
Ooh-ooh-ooh!
What A blessing is a heartbeat
When it gets sentimental and slow
don't fight it or you might miss a treat
Unless you're listenin' to the heartbeat...
The heady rhythm of the heartbeat...
And then when the temps say go
And you're yearning to turn indiscreet
Just keep listenin' to the heartbeat...
The steady rhythm of the heartbeat...
Then if some-body turns your hee-eead...
And edges you onto the beee-ed
Just forget your refined
Stop improving your mind and start listening to the heartbeat
To the rhythm of the heart-beat...
Oh no you dooon't need a PHD...
It may be easier than ABC...
You don't have to be smart, you just open your heart
And listen to the heart-beat...
The rhythm driven by the heartbeat
Ooh-ooh-ooooh
Listen to my heartbeat...
Ooh-ooh-ooooh
Take a lesson from my heartbeat...
Ooh-no-no-no
there's no messing with my heartbeat...
Ooh-ooh-ooooh
What a blessing is a heartbeat...
Be still, my beating heart.
Enough's enough
Heeeeeeart-beeeeeeat!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wooh! Wooh! I want you to try and forget the bad reputation we've been
saddled with in the past, enough of that subjustification. It must be said.
We have managed to get ourselves a bit of bad rep, haven't we? We're bad
news! {Bad-ass!} Yes, and I mean bad mouthed so well that it hurts. Bet
you'll (listen for that very closely?) for that now. You give a dog a bad
name and it sticks! Rather like the ointment. We've had a lot of bad press
down the centuries, you should read my clippings. Probably have. I don't
know if you're familiar with a tutonic scripter by the name of Guerter?
Dirty Guerty? He wrote a book called Faust. Don't read it, it was a
hatchet-job. It was the (Kiddie Karrier, the Albert Gold, the
Anapastinac?) of early German literature, and so, PTHHT! to Guerty. You see, this
prejuduice has been passed down to you from generation onto generation, so
how can I possibly blame you if you were to regard me as a despicable
little shit determined to lead you into sin? I don't even like sin! Read
the book, saw the mini series. They say that, uh, for instance, gluttony is
a sin. What is a sin, gluttony's a sin? Gluttony's not a real sin. {Yes it
is} Well yes, but only if you insist on wearing clean leggings with a short
top. They say vanity's a sin! In which case I plead guilty, guilty, guilty!
But of course, it's not a sin, simply a delicious weakness.

It's my feverant hope, potential customers, that before the evening's over,
you will come to love me without reservation. Believe me when I tell you, I
have absolutely no hidden motives whatsoever. What you see, is what you
get. It's niiice, isn't it? [.........] That was it. By the way, if you've
brought your cameras here tonight, I will have to tell you that the taking
of photographs is absolutely obligatory. Yes, I suppose that does reveal
me as somebody who's rather shallow. Yes, that could be said. Superficial!
{Yes!} [.....] all the way through! {Yes!} And frivolous. But you can
never have too much friv, in my opinion. After all, that is, to some extent,
my raissoun detre, is it not? I am, after all, the [.....] of frivolity,
(pending frijolity?) Maybe I am, yes, a little overly fond of the unholy
trinity: drugs and sex and rock and roll. But when it comes to indulging
in that gleesome threesome, that (reble treble?), that triple rrrrrrripple,
I always appoint the following criteria. I have my very own Golden rule,
and it goes like this. Hit it, Brother Red! Make it a hot one!

LET'S GET TO THE HEART OF IT
------------------------------

[Sorry, but I didn't understand one word of this song. It's a
shame, too, because it sounds really good]
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Woah! Drugs, and sex, and rock and rollll. We party hard, party
partners, down at the Club Inferno. And as permitted party animals, we
always ask the following question: What is it that makes a party really
go...with a bang? Well, bang, that's nice. Especially five minutes after
you've arrived on the bed with all the coats on it. A party always
improves, doesn't it? When you walk in, and you get the sexual hots for
someone...or some thing, that's also present. And let's face it, we've
all had a fling with a thing, haven't we? This is me you're talking to.
Okay, I know of one guy that went steady with a refridgerator three
years. The story has a tragic ending, though, the refridgerator finally
broke it off.

Now booze...booze is great! Booze is wonderful, and I'll tell you what I
especially like about alcohol. I like the way it completely shuts down
the thinking processes, yet still allows you to pontificate on
thoouusands of different subjects, in a random fashion, and all in the
same sentence. And in a language you never even knew you had command of.
This is the stuff of dreams. Booze is a mind-numbing, mood-swinging,
ego-raising bullshit-enhancer. We all know bullshit ain't no crime. If
it was, Hollywood'd be on death row. Yeah, what about other drugs,
other than booze? Booze is a drug, alcohol's a drug...what about other drugs?
They may well give you a lift but will they exercise the same influence
over a party? I dont know. Probably not. Could be? Maybe not. You see,
the liquor and the accessories...the thing that makes a party really go
with a bang, and a sway, and everything else is people! It's the
people!
I've partied with the best! Oh yes, back in the many [.....] I've
attended in my time. (Backers), what a dive...Georgy-Porgy, put in an
orgy. I can see it now, standing on that hill, sun at his back,
bollickly naked and pissed to beat the band...marvelous. He's down with
us now, y'know. Oh yes, he runs the Classical Picnic Experience for us.
It's a big hit with all those members who like a bit of a song, a drink,
and a shag.

Uhhh...oh, 16th Century Dutch peasants...they knew how to throw a mean
street party, oh indeed they did. Lot's of very young wine, ratty faces,
pleasant people, codpieces bursting at the seams. The younger dudes used
to get a bit leery, they'd come up and they'd go, "Hey, wha's wrong wi'
you, donchu' like my face?" I'd say, "Not much, but nice (package?)" I
saw Broigel get a hammering at one of these dudes once, a beating. He
walked over with his canvas, and his paints, and his oils, and one of
the young dudes went, "Oi, fuckin' paparazzi!" Broigel's face and that
canvas both resembled very early Jackson Pollaks. Yeah...I've been to
the Garden of the Mesopotemians, messy by name, messy by nature.
Strange people with big hair. Looked wonderful, ate like pigs. I've hit it up
with the (Hithites?), I've dabbled with the Babylonians, {The
Mastadonians} oh yeah, the Amazonians, {Pasadonians} and the
Caladonians! [......]And, uh...I got to the bottom of (Southern?)! {Oh,
he's a nice boy} Like there was no tommorrow in (Gamorrow?). But there
was a lot of begating going on in those days, and I was begating along
with the best of them, oh yes I was. I was a sex machine. I was running
on high-octane optimism, and believe me, that's a gas. But no matter how
good a time I was actually having at the time, I always believed that
there was a better time waiting for me just around the corner. And
looking out at your sweet smiling faces, and your...eager thrusting
bodies...(back, back?)...I can see I was absolutely right. Cause I knew
then as very surely as I know now, that the best...has yet to
come...for me.

THE BEST HAS YET TO COME FOR ME
---------------------------------
I always get a frisson of excitement...
Woah-oh, a shiver of sheer ecatasy...
When my eyes fall on a thing of enticement...
I guess I'm blessed and yes it's destiny!

Like the rivers run!
{Like the rivers run!}
Restless to the sea
{Restless to the sea!}
Each and every one...
{Each and every one!}

Has their destiny...
{Has their destiny!}
Until Kingdom Coooome...
{Until Kingdom Come!}
I'll travel endlessly!
{I'll travel end-less-ly!}
Oh the best...
{The best!}
Has yet to come for me!
Oh the best...
{The best!}
Has yet to come for me!

So I get up every morning with great pleasure!
{Plea-sure!}
And say I'm going to make a happy day!
{Ha-ppy day!}
Every moment golden and a treasure!
{Trea-sure!}
Yes everything'll be okay!

Like the rivers ruuuun!
{Like the rivers run!}
Restless to the sea!
{Restless to the sea!}
Each and every oooone...
{Each and every one!}
Has their destiny...
{Has their destiny!}
Until Kingdom Coooome...
{Until Kingdom Come!}
I'll travel endlessly!
{I'll travel end-less-ly!}
Oh the best...
{The best!}
Has yet to come for me!
Oh the best...
{The best!}
Has yet to come for me!

Sing the song, Sweet Angels!

{We love each secret moment of obession!}
{When compulsion is a certainty!}
{We feel its pull, we give it full possession!}
{We're fervent servants of diversity!}

Like the rivers run!
{Like the rivers run!}
Restless to the sea!
{Restless to the sea!}
Each and every one...
{Each and every one!}
Has their destiny...
{Has their destiny!}
Until Kingdom Come,
{Until Kingdom Come!}
I'll travel endlessly!
{I'll travel end-less-ly!}
Oh the best...
{The best!}
Has yet to come for me!
The best...
{The best!}
Has yet to come for me!

I keep searching for that paragon...
{The cat's meow, the nuts, that plum, that peach}
With hopeful heart I travel on...
{Then maybe one Avalon}
Will be within my reach! Oh-oh-oohhh!
The best...
{The best!}
Has yet to come for me!
Oh the best...
{The best!}
Has yet to come for me!

So distant shores and humble doors I darken,
{Darken!}
And wait for love to capture me.
{Cap-ture me!}
But I'm not in the market for a bargain,
{Bargain!}
Just wrap me in a Rhapsody!

Like the rivers run!
Restless to the sea
Each and every one...
Has their destiny...
Until kingdom Come..
I'll travel endlessly!
Oh the best...
{The best!}
Has yet to come for me!
Oh the best...
{The best!}
Has yet to come for me!
Oh the best...
{The best!}
Has yet to come for meeeee-eeeee-EEEEEEE!!!
--------------------------------------------------------

Wooh! Oh yeah! Oh, I'm talking about the best coming {reagrdless of the
party's sex?) down at Club Inferno...We do tend to take the moral
lowground. No juice, you're no use. You're dry, bye-bye. We smile very
often upon the fleshy pleasures. In fact, we are the only afterlife
facility joint that allows you to--and captively encourages you--to
continue to enjoy them. In fact, we're the only new world yet to come
that allows you to choose entirely what you look like. Oh yes. You can
redesign the physical you, the choice is truly yours. This is an
exclusive feature and proving to be very popular. You should see, uh...
oh, B-movie writer stroke director of (Glenda Glenda?) Ed Wood, Ed D.
Wood now. He looks like a Playboy Bunny. Angora, of course. Uh...
Tennesse Williams has adopted the fifteen year old classical Greek youth
look, or "Happy Gay". He's a happy, happy gay. Joan of Arc, now she's
looking very fair. Not that little (blotch?) creature that you all
remember from history. Very fair. Tres cool, tres groovy. You're
probably surprised to hear that Joanie's down here with us. Well not as
fucking surprised as she was! It's true that her spirit did go to the
kingdom of the opposition once it departed those firey planes, but when
she got up there she discovered that not a single, solitary one of her
voices emanated from those good quarters. She went a little dipshit,
next thing she knew she was down here with us. And a flaky little pain
in the ass she was, too. We would've thrown her out with all the other
riff-raff, but she, uh...she [....] She fell in love is what she did.
She's got this big thing going with the centaur. I hear he's hung like
a horse.
Many people are alarmed by complex and imaginitive sex, obviously Joanie
is a master, but if that's what you are- complex and imaginitive, then
surely, that's the way it's gonna be. All recreational sex is deviant
sex anyway, isn't it. Because it denies the procreational imperative.
Why you continue to make ground rules for yourself which are impossible
to keep, I've got no idea. I think you are frightened that people will
start to do it in the streets. In restaurants. In planes and boats and
trains, in the oceans (...) you've been there. In lavatories and the
Houses of Parliament. I've been there.

Well you know what they say: One man's meat is another man's oral
fixation. But I am a supernatural being, and as such I am privy to your
innermost secrets and desires. And I know that there are one or two of
you here that have orged, quite a bit, in your short life. Oh yes. I
know also that most of you have indulged in fantasies of such
debauchery, but in reality you would prefer to be an orgy for two, you
being fifty percent of that particular equation. Fair enough, who's to
blame you. There are others, on the other hand, or indeed, it may be the
same hand, who prefer to be an orgy for one . Gives new meaning to the
phrase 'home and dry', doesn't it.

I know a young man who loved making love to himself so much, that even
when he had a headache, he was prepared to fake an orgasm for himself.

Now there are still others who don't wish to party with any other
protoplasmic beings whatsoever. They're waiting for Phantom Lover to
call. And I should now. I've been on call enough times myself.

Let me patch you in to the Phantom Lovers' switchboard, and I'll show
you what I mean.

Hello? Phantom Lovers'. Mephistopheles speaking, how may I help you?

{Uh, hello there. Well I'm not sure really.}

Uh well, would you like an Incubus experience, a Succubus experience,
or would you just like a heavy supernatural dead-weight on your chest?

{You know, I just don't know. Well, what do the first two do?}

Uh, "in" and "suck" are the clues here, I think.

{Well I wouldn't mind a bit of both, really}

A bit of both! A double feature!

{Yeah!}

Ok, Time? I have to say that midnight is traditionally groovy .

{Oh that'll be lovely. Is there anything I have to do?}

No, no. Just light a candle and get your ass in the air.

{How nice}
I'ts good to talk.

Now I don't know how many of you have actually thought about having an
Incubus or a Succubus experience, but should the thought drift through
your mind in the coming nights, coming days . . . I just have this to
say to you...Tell me some sax, brother Nicky.

Incubus of Love
----------------------

Don't call me, I got your number.
But you won't see me 'Til you slumber
Think of us, a blackbird and a dove.
Let me be your Incubus of Love.

If Madame is feeling cautious
{Drift into the arms of Morpheus}
And link us like the hand is to the glove
Oh. Let me be
{gotta let him be}
Your Incubus of Love.

I'm gonna come for you like a thief in the nighttime,
{He's gonna creep up to your side.}
I'm gonna bring relief to you at the right time.
{There's no place that you can hide.}
Oh, let me be the one you're thinking of
Let me be
{Gotta let him be}
Your Incubus of Love.

I'll be yours until Aurora
{Lights the morning with her aura}
That rosy fingered nimbus from above
Let me be
{gotta let him be}
Your Incubus of Love.

{He's gonna come for you like a thief in the nighttime}
I'm gonna creep up to your side.
{He's gonna bring relief to you at the right time}
And there's no place that you can hide.
Oh, let me be the one you're thinking of
Oh,Let me be
{gotta let him be}
Your Incubus of Love.
Oh let me be
{come one and let him be}
Your Incubus of Love
Oh let me be
{You gotta let him be}
Your Incubus
Of- Love!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's up to you {Which Cup You Brew}
-----------------------------------
When the load gets too heavy
And you can't take the heat
When your breath gets unsteady
And your dead on your feet
It's up to you{It's up to you}
Which cup you brew{Which cup you brew}
It's up to you{It's up to you}
Better look to the future
Better face the dark ships
Better shoot what suits ya
When you cash in your chips
It's up to you {It's up to you}
Which cup you brew {Which cup you brew}
It's up to you {It's up to you}
And when you sum up the time
you've spent on presenting your reason or rhyme
Forever inventing
New dreams to come true
New things to do or not to do
It's up to you {It's up to you}
Which cup you brew {Which cup you brew}
It's up to you {It's up to you}
It's up to you {It's up to you}
Which cup you brew {Which cup you brew}
It's up to you {It's up to you}
No one here to convert you
No one here to pretend
But the world might desert you
And you just might need a friend
It's up to you {It's up to you}
Which cup you brew {Which cup you brew}
It's up to you {It's up to you}
Then when you add up the days
you've wasted in waiting around in a haze
And never creating the captain and crew
Of the good ship, guess who?
Guess you do
It's up to you {It's up to you}
Which cup you brew {Which cup you brew}
It's up to you {It's up to you}
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, it's up to you, thank you for those sweet sentiments, sweet angels
of song. Indeed, it's up to you because 'Choice'. Choice, you've got
it. Now the other afterlife facility competition pretend that they would
like you to be free to exercise it as well.

Yeah, sure. As long as you- make it them. We on the other hand, we
couldn't give a shit. I mean, we may very well be your choice, but will
you be ours? What kind of a person are you? Are you mean-spirited? Do
you derive great pleasure from hurting others for no good reason
whatsoever? As a small child, did you tear the wings off flies? Are you
a theatre critic? f so, can you change? We've changed, can you? Yes, we
all know that you can pretend to be nicer than that which you are, you
can pretend to be a nice guy, Mr. Nice Guy, just as you can disguise an
ill-formed body with a well-cut suit, but we still know the shape and
form remains [.........]

Oh yes, they're donning new spiritual focks, frocks even. Cut size for
us. It's not putting things on, it's taking things off. You have to do
what all he major airlines do; you have to lose the baggage.

Then you just might get lucky. You might get lucky tonight. Do you feel
lucky? Then do it right. There is a question waiting to be asked; Ask
the question, sweet angels.


[Sweet Sister Joy?]
-----------------------

Ask me how, you can improve your chances

{How?}

Why, you have to let Sister Joy into your life.

{Sweet Sister Joy}

That's right. Sweet Sister Joy, for it is written:

{God knows where}

That He who loses his own negative baggage,  also lightens the load of
Sister Joy. We're gonna lift up our hearts and sing a hymn of sweetest
joy to that most blessed of sisters, Sweet Sister joy herself.

Slap me some skin, Brother Ed!

{Joy}
{Joy}
{Joy}
{Joy}
{Joy}
{Joy}
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes indeed, you should sing out yourselves every morning when you get
out of bed. Scares the shit out of the neighbors. And why should you
let Sister Joy into your life? Well I'll tell ya. Because eternity is a
fucking long time. What is it?

{A fucking long time}

You can say that again.

{A fucking long time!}

Damn right! Too long to be spent hanging around with nice people.

{With no personality}

Tub-thumping, Bar-room bigots and space cadets. You have to fight for
your rights. We did, and speaking of rights- Now that we're a public
company, we will be calling back all those copyrights, which others
have seen to be public domain. Oh yes. We will for instance be asking the
Hell's Angels for an annual fee for the use of that particular
trademark. Obviously, we're gonna  be asking them nicely.

We're already owed a lot of money, very big money, heavy money, from
some very heavy metal trash bands for the use of our B.A.D. or "bad
rights". Backward playing Audio Directives tuning. "Crrk . . Satan
Rules Crrrk . . . Satan Rules . . . Crrk" Obviously we'll be charging them
for that one.

Yeah, well the beat goes on. But if it sounds like the suits are taking
over, don't panic, because anyone as far as we're concerned, from
middle-management, is a persona non-starter.

There are no deals, you don't have to sell your souls to Hell
anymore. We don't want your souls, your bodies, maybe, yes!

You don't even have to worship the Devil and all his works anymore,
he's had enough of that and you'll piss him off. We did use to do deals once
upon a time, but it was a fuck-up. Even in winning, we would lose. It's
true. This is what's known as a 'Pillock Victory'. I'll tell you what
we used to do; we used to give them wealth, knowledge, power, consumer
goodies and all that kind of stuff, and they would give us their
weeping and wailing and mashing of fucking teeth for eternity. Does that sound
like a good deal to you?? I don't think so.

Stardom- that was another thing people would crave, would-be dealmakers.
Make me a star, make me a star, give me a personality. Actually, there's
a great game you can play, it's called "Let's fuck the sad old farts" we
pulled the plug on 'em when we re-structured. Careers that were hot and
now they're not, and you wondered why, well wonder no more.

Oh yes. You'd be surprised at how low of a price some people are
prepared to put on their souls. Thirty pieces of silver was an absolute
fortune compared to say; having sex with David Metter [..............]

Yes, we were doing deals as recently as that. Happily for you, and for
me, the deals are for both of them. Some people of course didn't want
fame, they didn't want money, they didn't want any of the things I just
mentioned, some of them simply wanted a little more time.

Give me just a little more time. Yeah, let me tell you about a little
lady. Goes by the name of Tulip Baker, that's what she wanted. She was
a dishy little dame. Let me clue you in.

Tulip Baker
-----------------

Well I knew a girl called Tulip Baker
Went out on a date with an undertaker,
He took her out and he tried to make her
Show him

The undertaker's name was Max Detato,
He had a face like a baked potatoe,
He tried to take her without her say-so,

But Tulip was too hip for him.

She said gimme some time
I'm too young and pretty
To cut me down in my prime
There's too much in the city

Now Tulip had a mother who was [slipped in avacodo]
[She slinked around the local bayou]
Til she heard about old detato
And she [went to him]

That's when she heard the cry of Tulip
Old Max was looking for a girl with true lip
He tried to make her into his little Julip
But Tulip was too hip for him.

She said gimme some time
I'm too young and pretty
To cut me down in my prime
There's too much in the city

{Now the undertaker's still making his calls}
{Sometimes the pass, sometimes the doorways}
{And though he is fast, you know there is no way}
{Tulip will let him get in}

Well Tulip lived in country til 105
And just cause you're old doesn't mean you're alive
The undertaker said now it's time to die,
But Tulip was too hip for him.

She said gimme some time
I'm too young and pretty
To cut me down in my prime
There's too much in the city

She said gimme some time
I'm too young and pretty
To cut me down in my prime
There's too much in the city
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whoo! Uh-oh, I'm losing a horn. Don't you hate it when that happens?
Always at the wrong time. You've been there. OK! So! No more deals, eh?
Thank God!! uh-whooops! Ah, don't worry, don't worry. I've got a great
deal of respect for all the Gods, and Goddesses, demi, semi or
otherwise. Oh yes indeed.

Odin, for instance. Take Odin- brother Odin? The hour of Valhalla. I
mean, he's a rough diamond, but forever a gent. And you remember the
jackal-headed God of Egypt, Anubis? Well you throw him a stick, and
he'll play with you for days.

Cupid's cute if you like that kind of a thing, and of course,
Priapus, well he's still a firm favorite, isn't he. I've knelt before
him a few times myself. Yeah, but for the most part, they've been pushed
to one side and completely forgotten and completely unloved. Poor old
sods, eh.

Yes this is what we call the God slot, or the G-spot- seek and ye shall
find- but I have to say that in regard to your own kind of relationship
with the Gods, demi semi pagan, civilized, whatever; it will affect your
standing with Club Inferno in no way whatsoever should you choose to
worship none at all, one personal one, or as many as you like.

But if you're gonna go in that direction, you should think about adding
demons to your list of likely candidates. Thin and horny ones are very
groovy. Especially if they're the head of the membership application
committee.

But if you do decide to go Godward, in any direction; embrace, you have
to remember that you should never go into worship mode, with your eyes
closed. If you're gonna blow it, know it.

It's the phyisical panty rule that applies here, the bottom line? Which
is to remember- that a god isn't just for Christmas, we're not talking
about the tooth fairy here, are we. They got big, big, egos and egos,
and so you should be absolutely certain that you never, under any, any
circumstances, make promises that you- cannot keep.

Heart on Fire
-----------------

{Not to a power higher}
Oh no.
{The power with it's Heart on Fire}
eah Yeah.
{You don't have to promise to deliver}
But once you do there's a question or two.

{Who are you to lie to a God}
With it's heart on fire.
[{Why do you choose to lie to a God?}]
With your heart's desire

Oh, you're gonna burn
You take a turn for the worse
And what will be underneath
Unless your heart's a liar.

Oh, my heart's on fire.
oh, my heart's on fire.

{Who are you to lie to a God}
With your heart's desire
[..........................]
As your heart's conspired.

Oh, you're gonna burn
You take a turn for the worse
And what should be
Time for you to believe
Unless your heart's a liar.

Oh, my heart's on fire
Oh, my heart's on fire

Oh, my heart's on fire
Oh, my heart's on fire
Oh, my heart's on fire
Oh, my heart's on fire

Allow me to drink to your health, and wet my throat. I'm gonna tell you
how touchy the Gods can be. This may well be of interest to collectors
of ephemera,and I indeed believe that many of you here tonight may
indeed be "ephemerate" But uh, Lucifer was cast out of Heaven for
loving God too much.

You probably didn't know that, did you. You know the dressed up
version, but the truth of the matter is, Lucifer was cast out of Heaven for
loving God too much, and cast out, forever. Now I don't hear any
heart-warming, tear-jerking, prodigal son and father story here, do you?
I'd like to know why the fuck not! Plenty of fat cows in Heaven. You
should see the legs on some of those Baptists.

Well, Lucifer was cast out. I'm gonna tell you the real story, how it
really went down.

It was like this you see; now God and Lucifer, they used to hang around
together. They were close. Not that close that they became the subject
of gossip, you understand, but they were tight. And uh, it was always
understood, of course, that God indeed was the main man, who with alot,
alot of help, made man. And then he, God, he turned around to all the
other angels, Lucifer included, and said that they now had to bow down
to what he was now referring to as His Creation, that's you guys, with
as much respect and love, as they had for him.

And Lucifer said,"No. No fuckin' way."

He said "I love you like a fuckin' brother. Got a lot of respect for
you, always fuckin' have, always fuckin' will, but you've gotta be out
of your fuckin' mind"

I'm negotiating the film rights on this particular tale, I'm thinking
of Pacino or DeNiro, anyone known internationally, and uh, I actually
haven't quite got this next scene uh, oh Tarantino's going to direct.
Uh, I haven't quite got the dialogue of the scene yet, it's the scene
where Lucifer turns round and says,"You fuckin' look at me, you
fuckin' look at me you fuck. Don't fuckin' fuck with me you fuck. Look at my
fuckin' face, look at my fuckin' eyes, look in my fuckin' eyes, you
fuck"

Something like that. It's not really worked out yet, but it's quite
poetic, isn't it.

So uh, yeah, that's what happened, and God turned round to Lucifer
and he said, "OK, Lucie, if that's the way you feel," he said "Take a
hike. Sex and travel, fuck off."

Now you should've, now you probably didn't know that, but there is two
sides to every story, and uh, you should've known that, you should've
realized that there was yet another tale to be told about that. Because
what you do know is that History is a set of lies agreed upon. Of
course it is. Take the story of your origins, for instance. The official tale
is the one in Genesis. But of course you evolved from primitive life
forms. How else do you account for British Aristocracy?

But nobody knew. God included. No one had an inkling that you were
going to develop an intellect. Let alone Mensa. but children grow up, don't
they. They leave home, and that is only right and proper. I watched you
guys. I was an animated force on this planet long before the dawn of
man. Used to be trees and [...........] around here. I've watched you
crawl from the primeval slime, fighting, eating, and screwing
everything in sight... so no change there . . .I saw you when you changed your
little.......I'll tell you when I liked you best, actually. I thought
you were perfect when you were a cross between a jellyfish, and a kind
of amoeba thing with a little bit of worm flowing through it.

It was a great look. You should have kept it. But I watched you change
your little gills for little lungs, little things for little legs and
your scales for fur, and you were never happy. And then you went and
lost all your fur and went for the smooth and silky look. All of you
that is, with the exception of [Brother Ecil] and Robin Williams. And
then about 8 to ten thousand years ago, you started to really get
yourselves organised. I don't know if you're familiar with the Siths? I
was. They were little guys with Yak breath. Their body odor was a heavy
mixture 'Eau De Sewer' and ten-day old Testosterone. Oh, whatever you
call it. Shit and cum. If ever there was a market
for Wash and Go', this was it.

The Siths, they lived on the Russian steps, they domesticated the horse,
and then they swept across Europe, bringing into being those
Indo-European languages that you mostly rejoice in today, one way or
another.

I'm so glad that we're doing this in English, one way or another
tonight. Cause I'd hate to be doing this in Sith. It's an impossible
language to rhyme for a start, you'd think all the songs were written
by a dyslexic, fat Canadian Devil Worshipper.

But the Siths, in their own way, they were responsible for the growth
of civilization, and with the growth of civilization you discovered the
concept of culture, and with the concept of culture, you discovered the
concept of Art Art! Ahhhh . . oh! Animals have always been very
popular, haven't they, as subject matter. But of course in those distant days
that didn't have access to [............] so they didn't have boxes in
which to display them, and so they were reduced to painting in a
graffitti fashion, on the cave walls.

There's a lot to be grateful for, isn't there?

Art, we love it to Hell in Hell. Oh yes uh, let me see uh, Cezanne,
Lautrec, uh Beardsley uh, Edvard Munch (pronounced moonk)and many many
others are all gathered together in a cafe in a section of the club.
Edvard is still a little gloomy, but I find that rather sexy. I posed
for him once, you know.
Well, it was a day out! but I have to tell you, if you don't
know Norway, the wind on that bridge was like a fucking knife. That's
why I was going like this! Really! I said "Can we hurry this up??"
There, it's gone. (I guess one of his horns falls off) I'm gonna save
hat for the horn fairy. Yeah. Caf? Sex is very groovy. Nice audience.
Very Parisian. Only it hasn't got the arrogance wrapped in an apron.

Uh, Yeah. Oh . . . music lovers will love the Club Inferno PLC, why do
I say that? Well, we've got- the best tunes. The Devil always did have
the best tunes, didn't he. Indeed he did, and now why is that? Because
he always had the best musicians, that's why.

The sixties and seventies were very good to us. We're very grateful.
Yes, a lot of them came down with [?] It was like Woodstock, but
without the mud and the airheads. So it was great, the joint was jumping. Oh,
great concept, music, wasn't it. Organic and orgasmic, and I was there
for the beginnings of that, I was there when you discovered that and
how to use it, it started as a demented scream in a cave "ahhh-ahhh
.......
Ahhh"

Something like that- I paraphrased. And uh, it turns into a kind of low
moan in a mud hut-, "ooohoooh . . oooh..."

Uh, and that indeed turned into plain song, Gregorian chant,
polyphonics, symphonics, syncopation, big-band, jazz, swing, rhythm and
blues, oh, country, bluegrass, soul and good old rock'n'roll. And oh,
you think the dance is hot and happening now, well you're wrong.
Because there was a time when your fore-fathers and mothers were in a state of
ecstasy. Barnet. They used to do these sexual, naked, primitive display
dances around a flickering fire.

Brother Michael, will you step forth please? Brother Michael's going to
tell you how you can re-capture that old magic. That dance of life,
that dance of love. Give em Hell, Brother Michael, and make it hot.

Dance of Love
---------------
When your hot and got that erotic feeling
There's only one dance when it's push comes to shove
It don't take long to get it when you got to get it healing
And the name of the dance is the dance of love
{dance of love}It's divine{dance of love}and it's divine
So when your hot to trot out an exotic notion
Exactly like the one I know you're thinking of
It don't take long to get it when you got the motion
The name of the dance is the dance of love
{dance of love}It's divine {dance of love} and it's divine
Well there's no need to know me
Just come to me show me
That I'm a light {a light}
That you're the moth {the moth}
Together we can do the dance of love
Come to me slowly
With no sanctimony just love
We'll do the dance of love.
{dance of love}It's divine{dance of love}and it's divine
So when you're cool to fool with a hypnotic ache you
Relate to like the piano does to Rachmaninov
It don't take long to get it when you got it let it take you
And the name of the dance is the dance of love
{dance of love}It's divine{dance of love}and it's divine
Oh everybody here suffers their sanity
Thinking too much has it's built in inanity
Stop egging the disease on by begging for a reason from above
We'll do the dance of love.
{dance of love}It's divine{dance of love}and it's divine
So when you're heart is hot and you've got the feeling
There's only one thing when push comes to shove
We'll tell you once again, you've gotta get a-reeling,
And the name of the dance is the dance of love
{dance of love}and you know it's divine{dance of love}and it's divine
{dance of love}It's divine{dance of love}and it's divine
The dance of love
The dance of love
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for the rock'n'roll! I really do cherish it, that cherish-ish
cherubium, thank you. OK, the word was choice. And the word was good,
and the word was made good. Oh yeah, you know the little time we've
spent together here tonight is gonna make it very difficult for the
other afterlife competition to deny the existence of the Club Inferno
PLC. Quite frankly I don't see what the fuss is all about, it's not as
if we're after the same customers, is it.

Yeah, sure there's going to be a few cross-overs, people who swing both
ways, always is, always has been. Oh and by the way, if you would like
to get more of a low-down on what it's like to go down, then just call
my name three times and I'll pop up. And I promise you I will fill you
in.

Some of you will be entitled to automatic membership, you're quite
literally going to be dead cert, and why do I say that? Well, you give
good hedonism, you're party animals, and you're very very easy to love.
In other words, you're hunky, you're funky, and you're spunky.

There are certain arrogant individuals who believe that they're entitled
to automatic membership, we refer to this arrogant aberration, psychotic
aberration, if you like, as 'tosser's syndrome'.

Yeah, people who are involved in advertising and contact sports are
particularly prone to this disease of self-deception, what they don't
understand is that we've got a very strict door policy. Oh, indeed we
have. We have bouncers that you really don't want to fuck with. Well,
you might, but that's a demon's only privelege.

So! Get yourselves a death! Your death is the most important choice of
your life. And if you don't make it, it will be made for you, and
believe me, finding yourself in a place you don't want to be for
eternity can really piss a person off. Oh yes it can.

Now I have a little confession to make- just before we go I have to tell
you something. Throught the evening I have been mentally probing you.
Yes indeed. Mentally penetrating you, you probably thought it was
something glandular, but no, it was me. And uh, now I've got a more
intimate picture of you, and I have uh, something of a personal nature
that I'd like to say to you. And that is.... I love you.

And so I should, because you're angels, each and every one of you.
You're blessed. And I'd like to tell you in song if I may, just how very
much I love you, and how dearly you are held, in this demonic heart of
mine.

The Angel in Me
-------------------

If I should call you an angel
It's because I think you're divine
But you must make sure that you don't change at all
Or I just might change my mind
I've loved many a woman and left many a man
Between the devil and the deep blue sea
But you've got something I don't understand
And it brings out the angel in me

Yes you do
{yes you do}
Yes you know it's true
{Yes, you know it's true}
Ooh, Ooh.

For many days and many nights
I've loved the thought of you
Through many years too many tears
You know I've sought for you
You gave this iron fist a velvet glove
And when we kissed that's when I fell in love
Maybe I'm a devil but this time I'm on the level
And you bring out the angel in me


Oh, yes you do
{yes you do}
Yes you know it's true
{Yes, you know it's true}
Ooh, Ooh.

I called it fun like hit and run
A game of Peek-a-Boo
I'd climb inside my Mister Hyde
And come and seek for you
I've been insane with pain and jealousy
But now I'll change all that just wait and see
Maybe I'm a demon and maybe I'm just dreaming
But you bring out the angel in me

Yes you do
{yes you do}
Yes you know it's true
{Yes, you know it's true}
Ooh, Ooh.
Yes you do
{yes you do}
Yes you know it's true
{Yes, you know it's true}
Ooh, Ooh.
Yes you do
{yes you do}
Yes you know it's true
{Yes, you know it's true}
Ooh, Ooh.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Good night. May you all rock in Hell.

DISGRACEFULLY YOURS
---------------------
( Note: The * indicates the alternate lyrics)

I gotta go, gotta blow now, the show is done,
(* I wanna say hello to the human race)
But if you wanna get to know me on a one-to-one,
(* I wanna stay awhile and put a smile on your face)
Just come down below when your race is run,
(*If I like what I see then we'll head back to your place)
And I'll be Disgracefully Yours!
I don't care about your color or your race or creed
It don't matter if your a mongrel or if your pedigreed
I only want to thrill you and fulfill your need
And I'll be Disgracefully Yours
I'm inclined to spit and bite a bit and scratch you
{But he finds that most don't mind behind locked doors!}
So I suggest you get undressed and let me catch you.
{He'll be distastefully, disgracefully all yours!}
You may think yourself above me on some other plane
But I know somehow your thinking of me every know and again
So sell yourself to Hell and we'll let Heaven reign
And I'll be disgracefully yours

{He's inclined to spit and bite a bit and scratch you!}
But I find that most don't mind behind locked doors!
{So we suggest you get undressed and let him catch you!}
I'll be distastefully, disgracefully all yours

You may think yourself above me on some other plane
But I know somehow your thinking of me every know and again
So sell yourself to Hell and we'll let Heaven reign
And I'll be disgracefully yours
{he'll be distastefully}
I'll be disgracefully
I'lllll bee Dis-gracefully allllll yooouuuurs!!!

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